Friday, February 06, 2009

"Star Walker" Needs Better Prose for Promo

I was googling that loopy-laugher of an American Idol contestant, the totally self-absorbed and bat^&%t--but lovely--Tatiana del Toro. Doing so, I came across a MySpace page promoting a speculative work that claims inspiration from the Bible and calls itself a God-driven project: Star Walker.

Ms del Toro is one of the cast of actors.

Well, whoa! You know I've gotta stop and take a look whenever a project robes itself in terms that hint at both the Christian and speculative. I read the two informational entries...

And I still wasn't quite sure what the project was. (Film? TV series? Online series?) The promo prose referred to "the story." It did offer a url that took me to a site that features loads of options. One, an animated trailer, I hit first, bypassing linky boxes for a web series, radio episodes, a book, flash games, a community, newsletter, and events.

Okay, so it's a multimedia "experience." That's cool.

But, ya know, if you're publicizing something that aims to be "the greatest saga ever told," you really need to spruce up the MySpace blurbs. Right now, the two major front page entries about Star Walker are long-winded, cliche-drenched, and oddly vague. From all those words, I expected to glean more about the actual story.

Not so much.

Suggestion: A bit of snap and a lot more detail. Post a few paragraphs drafted for minimal wordiness and maximum impact, with specific detail about the project--conflict, characters, setting, what makes it fresh and special, such as the Biblical aspect, sure. The "greatest saga ever" didn't come across as anything near that in those entries.

It's dull and plodding MySpacing in need of some copyediting. (Lots of pictures of the pulchritudinous actors, though.)

Granted, MySpace publicity yammering doesn't necessarily relate to the quality of the project itself, right? So, check out Star Walker here, the official site, including a trailer.

Oh. Hang on.

Notice the glaring grammatical booboo and stylistic clunkiness in the following brief quote from the trailer's text?

"Only by the grace of God and their training as Ken Ju Kai would save those destined to become Starwalkers from a sure and terrible death from an enemy that already dwells in the shadows among us."

You noticed it, right. Bet you did.

Trick question! There's more than one.

BTW, the Biblical aspects are present in the narrative offered in the trailer. So, I might want to check back and see what's what with Star Walker. (Not that I'm hooked. Just curious.)

If I could have one wish, though, I'd really need a promise, preferably notarized, that Ms del Toro will not, even once, laugh throughout this series. Singing is fine.
~

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